You know, I never thought my dream of becoming a writer would come true. Yet, here I am writing to you today. Spilling out the musings of my soul into this blog, dreaming of books I want to write.
I never really saw myself as a Pinterest pinning, recipe wheeling, coupon collecting momma either. But here I am, raising my fun-loving little boy, addicted to Pinterest, cooking, baking, and finding those lovely grocery and craft store coupon deals.
And I certainly never in my wildest dreams thought I would have a spiritual awakening and realize my gifts as a healer, an intuitive channeler, an empath, and soul growth coach. Yet, here I am, living my life as the person I think I always knew I was. I have been so afraid of showing it because I didn’t want to be judged. Why did I allow myself to believe that I couldn’t be more than I was?
So many questions come to me in general. Why do we paint ourselves into a box? Why do we create limitations for ourselves? Why do we stick with what we know without ever believing we could be or do something more? Why don’t we dream?
Is it fear? Is it lack of belief? Is it because of our past experiences? Is it because we are comfortable?
Since I was a teenager, I had a very distinct list of things I thought I did well.
Playing piano. Singing. Teaching choir. Teaching music.
I gave myself an “image.” I acted the way I thought I should act around others. I pretended to like things I didn’t like. I made decisions for my life that I thought would make me the most stable financially. No where in there did I dream or even contemplate a life beyond my “list.” I painted myself into this beautiful tiny box and decided that is where I would stay.
High school was a living nightmare for me. It was full of anxiety, stress, sadness, and loneliness. I just never felt like I fit in anywhere. During and after high school, I allowed my fears of what others thought of me to govern my next steps, my next words, my next thoughts. I spent my energy trying to make a good impression, please others, go above and beyond, all because I wanted to just feel accepted. For more than half my life, I have been plagued by what others thought of me, feeling judged for everything I did or said.
So why didn’t I dream? I allowed my past experiences to stunt my growth. I was afraid of the unknown. I allowed my fears to stand in the way of my potential. I didn’t believe in myself and so I decided to just stick with teaching music in a public school and nothing more.
So, I went off to college and got my bachelors and masters degree in music education. I became a public school music teacher for ten years. When I started teaching, I truly thought I would retire as a public school teacher, because that is what you do, right?
I was stressed, unhealthy, overworked and felt empty. I yearned for something more. It was not that I didn’t learn a lot from the job, and I loved my students dearly. But at what point do you finally become honest with yourself and dig deep to realize that you feel unfulfilled? I felt like someone handed me a book about my life but wouldn’t let me read past page 4. I felt that something was missing, like a piece of me was missing.
I finally decided to leave my position to be at home, raise my son, and maybe try something new. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done. I had no idea what the future had in store. It was a huge leap of faith.
Once I set the intention to leave, magical things started to happen. I got a position teaching at a private studio. (I love teaching one on one). I started receiving inquiries for private lessons. I was booking more performing gigs. I started journaling and remembered my love for writing. I had a life changing intuitive reading with Kelly T. Smith that allowed me to become spiritually awakened and aware. And, through it all, I finally found myself.
I started to dream. I am started to believe that anything was possible. It would have never happened if I didn’t leave my public school job. It would have never happened if I didn’t have an intuitive session with Kelly T. Smith and realize my spiritual gifts. It would’ve never happened if I didn’t open myself up and trust that there was “more” inside of me to give.
I now have a successful private teaching business in a studio I run out of my house. I play music professionally for weddings and events. I am crafting and selling my items locally. I have this wonderful blog where I feel like I finally have a platform to write down all the millions of words and ideas floating around in my head. I have a website that offers my services, such as “Soul Growth Coaching Sessions” and “Reiki Sessions.” I am finally able to share my gifts of healing and channeling. I am starting to feel fulfilled.
Granted, I have worked my butt off every single day. And there were (and still are) many long days of crying while working through my past wounds, emotions, anxieties and fears. But growth cannot come without acknowledging feelings first. It took large amounts of courage to put myself out there.
I am more confident than I have ever been. I am no longer that unsure little girl or young woman who never felt like she was accepted by her peers. I feel like a more authentic version of myself. And I don’t care if anyone judges me because what I am doing is so much bigger than that.
The fact of the matter is, we are not meant to stay in our tiny boxes, not the ones we create for ourselves, and not the ones others create for us. We are not meant to judge or be judged. We are not meant to think small. We are all meant for something greater than we can ever contemplate. We are meant to trust in Source/God to guide us on our journey. We are meant to grow and shine. We are meant to dream.
So I ask you. Do you dream? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you believe you can be something more? Do you believe things can change? Are you growing? Are you shining?
As I write this, I am still scared s***less of the idea of change and what lies ahead for me. But, I would rather feel scared of the unknown than feel unfilled, unhappy and stuck. I would rather take baby steps towards my dreams than walk backwards or stand still.
If you are wondering if it is possible for you, it is. I know it within my heart and soul. Life is magical if you believe you were meant to dream.
My life experiences thus far are proof that if you believe in yourself and put in the work, you can do whatever you want to.
Then you won’t just be dreaming it anymore.
You will be living it, every single day.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate you. Many blessings.
If you are interested in more information regarding my Soul Growth Coaching Sessions, head over to my Services page.
With love from above,
Sara Marie ❤