A Stranger in My Own Home

Have you ever been in a situation where you suddenly felt like your comfortable every day surroundings were no longer familiar? It was like a kind of “day of reckoning.” I had been working on my anxiety issues, addressing my low self esteem, attempting to better my relationships with the people around me, and learning to honor myself.

I had been working hard to begin stepping into a newer truer version of myself. And one day, suddenly, nothing in my home looked familiar anymore? The items felt like they were owned by a stranger. I was suddenly a stranger in my own home.  It was like I had entered an alternate universe.

It was scary, and yet it was reality. Why was everything strange? What was happening? Am I in the twilight zone? Is William Shatner going to pop out from around the corner??

And then, I started to wonder what it would be like to simplify my life. I began to feel claustrophobic and started to fantasize about throwing everything out…to live in a space where not every wall was plastered with furniture and decorations. I dreamed about closet space, a secret hidden room with chocolate wine and a jacuzzi (every woman’s dream room). =)  I came to realize in that moment that the “stuff” was a reflection of how I no longer wanted my mind to feel….gunked up.

So there I was, saying goodbye to the “stuff,” dreaming of how to declutter, but what I was really saying was goodbye to…well…the old me. In that moment, I almost felt like I was grieving the loss of a dead person. You know, that family member you kind of sort of knew, but didn’t really? And, you feel bad that they are gone, but beyond that, you have no emotional attachment??

In wanting to declutter the “stuff,” I felt a sense of relief, a weight lifted, or a bitter sweet feeling of loss and exuberation all at once. It became apparent that it was really a purging of my cluttered mind.   And I knew that this clutter included my anxiety, my low self esteem, pointless worries, fears, lack of faith, and feelings of inadequacy, all distracting me from the important thoughts.

I made a decision. I am ready to let go of those old thoughts and replace them with very powerful new ones: “I am worth it,” “I am loved,” “I choose my path,” “God is present,” “I exude love,” “I am light,” and “I have purpose.”

And the more in alignment I become with who I truly am, the less and less “stuff” really means to me. I am no longer defined by or fulfilled by my “stuff.” And I no longer want to be defined by my insecurities, my fears, my worries, and my anxieties.

Now, when I look at the contents of my home, I no longer feel like I am a stranger in my own home. The “stuff” is now the stranger to me. The “stuff” doesn’t matter. The “stuff” is not important.

I am important. I matter. I am worth it.

To fully come into one’s self is to fully understand one’s purpose in the world. And then, decide to make the world fit you instead of trying to fit into the world. You are enough.

Spirit says: What can you do today to make the world fit you? Is it to throw away that ugly vase that you never use? Is it to go for a walk in that crowded marketplace to conquer your fear of crowds? Is it to apply for that job that you know will make your heart sing, even though it would be less than you make now?

Stepping into the newer truer you is to accept yourself for the beautiful person you are. It is having faith bigger than your fear. It is believing in abundance. It is deciding to live for you.

With love from above…

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